She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
