I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
People in love make me want to vomit
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
