My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize