I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
