Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize