I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
