Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
