And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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