if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
