why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
