Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
