just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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