she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
