i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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