Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She bit a glass in half.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
