so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize