she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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