No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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