If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
