i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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