And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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