the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
