Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
