She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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