It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
