Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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