4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
