The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
