Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
