he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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