In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
