I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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