A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
