Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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