I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Come see our sink grown plant.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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