her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
