dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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