He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
