she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Terrible idea I love it
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
