She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
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