But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
