she takes plan B like it's going out of style
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
