Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
