Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
