officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
