My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize