my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Randomize
