Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
