In the future we'll all be gay
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
