I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
