i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
