I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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