Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize