Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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