I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
