i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
