im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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