I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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