Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
