I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
