Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
