You work out of a Hotel?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
