Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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