I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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