I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
