I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
